48-SCHOOLING IN SKIRTS

she had mixed emotions: "It's good that you found a way to get around your sister... but I'm kind of going to miss you as a girl, my friend, Danni," she said. "I'm really starting to enjoy having such a feminine boyfriend!"

"I don't know WHY," I responded. "Most girls would drop a guy in two seconds if he dressed like this..." indicating my now-normal skirt, you have to admit, it's not exactly normal male fashion.'

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She looked quickly around to make sure no one was looking, then Chris leaned over and put her arm around my waist. "Actually, I think if more guys dressed like you, they'd be much more sensitive to their girlfriends' needs. In fact, if you weren't already a girl, I'd be tempted to turn you into one myself!"

"Are you saying you love me BECAUSE I look like this?"

She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "You're not paying attention, my love. Being female has made you more lovable to me, but it's more than just the clothes. Wearing them has forced you to be more feminine than you otherwise would... to get in touch with that side of your personality. As a result, you're more sensitive and caring than most guys. See?"

"Then it shouldn't matter how I dress, Chris. Now that I know these feelings, I could go back to being male anytime and still be the kind of boyfriend you wanted," I told her.

"Maybe,” she admitted, "but I'd still miss you the way

you are now."

I had forgotten, of course, how thorough Kathy had been in keeping the memory of her younger sister alive. It never occurred to me that if she'd had Danielle's entire wardrobe available when I'd been forced into this long-term costume party, that she'd have the proper legal documents as well. The name on the birth certificate she gave me to take down to the motor vehicle bureau, and thus, the name that wound up appearing on my temporary driver license, was Danielle Renee' Nichols. Chris was ecstatic, and I was depressed at

CONTEMPORARY TV FICTION -49 once again having been thwarted in an opportunity to reassume my rightful identity.

I found myself resenting my dead mother for having twins in the first place. After all, if there had been no Danielle, then Kathy wouldn't have had any chance to do what she'd done. I also started wishing that I had been the one who died in the accident. I wondered how Danielle would have coped with being me ...

When I related these feelings to Robin, she was sympathetic, but insisted that I continue to live as the girl I had become, again suggesting that I consider giving up my quest to restore my male identity and remain female until my sister was well. That suggestion made me even more upset than usual ... so much so that Robin had my stress medication dosage doubled, and even had her friend the physician give me an injection containing a massive dose to calm me down more quickly.

I did have to admit, the medication did seem to help me cope better with the situation most of the time. I even felt more feminine at times, noticing how soft my skin was and, admittedly, how good I looked as Danielle. In a way, I rationalized, I was a living tribute to my twin sister ... but still, I wanted to live as a boy, especially when I was with Chris.

Further complicating matters was my would-be "boyfriend", J.J. He never missed an opportunity to ask me out... since my relationship with Chris was completely hidden from our classmates, he thought I was unattached, and tried to convince me that I should try dating him more often. He was really becoming quite a pest, and I was tempted to show him the same photo I'd used that day in the mall with Chris ... only I realized that if the truth were known about me at this point, I'd be putting my girlfriend in danger of ridicule and rejection as well. The realization of how severe the implications of my masquerade were scared me more than ever. Even if I succeeded in restoring my true identity, how would I explain the past five months? It seemed I was getting in deeper and deeper the longer I kept this up.